seashell by the sea shore

a little crack in my shell lets the tide roll in
and i don't know if i could stop it

tired

i tried optimism for a while
im tired of it
to always be looking on the brighter side of things is exhausting
completley, and utterly exhausting.
to wear a smile, when all you want to do is throw things against a wall
and see the pieces shattering towards the ground, is exhausting
when all you want to do is kick and scream
throw one of those temper tantrums little children seem to be able to get away with when mummy and daddy don't do just so so
it is exhausting to put on a facade so you are acceptable to the masses
to the people that everyday look at you and judge you
it is exhausting.
and i am tired.
no amount of sleep can pay this debt
no amount of rest
no amount of naps
i am tired


i am tired
please just let me be

all in all, i am still searching.

well...

for the life of me, i am truly happy.
i am happy.
i am happy.
i am happy.
possibly, if i type it enough...it will start to sink in? yes?
i want to be...oh so happy
but i just can't get over my pessimistic nature.
frustrating as ever.

iamhappy. iamhappy. iamhappy. iamhappy.
is it working yet?

4.1.2010

a walk on the wild sild
putting saran wrap on the toilet seat for april fool's day